Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Today

Today I am five days ( hopefully) away from meeting my second child, the one I didn't think would ever be. We think we are ready- bags are packed, car seats are ready, a plan is in place for Riley....and the dog (although I almost forgot him!) The house is clean and waiting for grandparents, in laws, and guests....oh, and a new member of the family.  Riley is ready, can't wait to meet her new baby brother, Chuck is ready (or appears to be, by the amount of nesting that man is doing-painting, steam cleaning carpets!)  Me, on the other hand?   I am swollen, tired, cranky, anxious and very impatient.....and then I feel nothing but guilt.  Guilt that I feel any of those things, guilt that a year ago, recovering from  my D & C, I would have wanted to kick anyone that complained about being pregnant.  It took 20 weeks for me to finally relax and realize that this could truly happen....and now I am so tired of it and just ready to meet him-I feel like I can't enjoy these last few days.  Pregnancy after IF and RPL is just so complicated. These feet may have something to do with it.....